What is Self Esteem and Why is it Important?
The word GO...on a Monopoly Board is packed with power and might be compared to the concept of Self-Esteem. A verb, the word GO is defined as taking ACTION. Movement, flow, change, current; the synonyms go on and on. However, we often find ourselves stuck, no movement past Go. We sit and we wait. And if we can't or won't GO, our self-esteem suffers.
Self esteem is often measured on a Likert Scale of 1-10.
1-3 and you are branded with low self-esteem
4-7 identifies you in the moderate category
7-10 and you are rewarded with high self esteem.
Self-esteem, however is a moving target and may jump from one measure to another depending on the matter at hand. An individual may measure his workplace self-esteem as 9-10 but his home life, 3-10.
It is also defined as both internal and external. Internally, we silently reflect back messages to ourselves and define our reality through the lenses of our own beliefs, thoughts, feelings, plans and notions. Externally, teachers, mentors, parents and the culture all work in unison to impact the world of our internal thoughts.
I feel bad. What does that mean? How do we break down the feelings of bad, moderate, and good? Two foundational measures help us to evaluate the core issues that may in part answer the why we can't get off GO.
Self-Respect
The first measure is self-respect. Am I lovable? Do I deserve to succeed? Am I worthy? Am I suitable? Do I have value? The reasons that we may not feel worthy abound. It could be a distressed upbringing and unresolved trauma. It could be the lack of education or failure to do well in school. By the way, school performance often times has nothing to do with intellect. It could be the real or perceived judgment of others. Answers rest upon the thoughts we attribute to ourselves. Our feelings or emotions quickly follow whatever we are thinking. Finally, our thoughts and feelings govern, right or wrong our actions, good or bad.
If I don't respect myself, I will often tolerate poor behavior from others and I may also act out and disrespect others. Ouch...How do I develop and cultivate self-respect?
If I behave rightly, I can grow my own self-respect just like planting seeds in a garden. It is a step by step process, no short cuts. That is buying the seeds, planting, watering, weeding and waiting. The weeding is especially important. If left unattended, the weeds take over. Either way, we choose flowers or weeds.
Tending the garden is analogous to behaving rightly. What is behaving rightly? What are my values? Do I have integrity? Am I comfortable in my own skin? Do I have courage? Am I compassionate? Do I think about my community? Am I honest with myself and others? Do I keep my appointments? Do I care about my friends? How do I treat my family? What do I do for others?
The more we work on self-respect, the less we care about what others think of us. Judgment starts to fade. We are now more likely to compete against ourselves rather than others. Courage follows. We start to take action. When we take action, we improve our self-esteem. That is developing a love for ourselves. When I love myself I can learn to trust my mind.
Self-efficacy is the second foundational element of Self-Esteem.
What is self-efficacy - This theme along with self-respect can found in Nathaniel Branden's work, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. Do I trust my mind? Am I meeting the daily challenges of life?
Branden writes, that my self efficacy is borne out of trusting my mind and living my life appropriately. If I am living rightly and love how I am living, I am more likely to learn the skill-set of trusting my mind.
Jotting down my progress is integral to cultivating self-respect and self-efficacy. My friend had a stroke. I will send a little care package. My loved one separated from her spouse. I will take her out for coffee. An elderly friend is in the hospital. I will send flowers. I will: I do; I act.
Or, I might and don't. An opportunity to act takes but a moment in time. I won't notice the moment in which I don't act. Taken together, all the missed moments add up to a lifetime of low self-esteem.
I will and I do spread to other areas of my life. Soon I will overwrite my negative thoughts with the impact of my positive actions and if I further record them, my life changes.
That is the equation necessary to achieve a heightened self esteem.